Wednesday, October 29, 2008

pathways...



Someone asked me to do something today. Not something horrible or daunting just something that I don't need to be doing - something I chose not to do. She then congratulated me for having the courage to say "no".

The other thing that happened today was I opened my email and there was an enthusiastic and beautiful thank you from someone I only know through blogging.

That got me thinking about the last few months and the journey that bought me here.


It started one day in March when I got home from taking daisyson 7 to school and then proceeded to sit down and cry - that continued pretty much all day every day for three and half weeks. I went through the motions got the kids to school, cooked, tidied, went to meetings, sent emails, went for coffee with the girls. But to say I was feeling flat is a gross understatement. We all have days like this but I couldn't shake it.

Then one day I dropped into a friends house and proceeded to just blubber for what seemed like hours. I was still no closer to a reason or a solution but I felt much better.

After a while I picked myself up, dusted myself off and got on with things because that is what you do and I was fed up with feeling like this. I made some small changes - but really my life just went on.

Then the friend whose shoulder I used for blubbering collapsed one night she had an aneurism in her brain. My last contact with this friend was via text message three days before her collapse saying "can't do lunch catch up soon". A TEXT MESSAGE - 6 words.

As she lay recovering in intensive care - this is her story so I will not give any details except to say she is now fully recovered and well and beautiful and inspirational - I "resigned from my life". That is what I actuallly called it "resigning from my life."

I quit the markets I was organising once a month in our town to raise money for our church, I quit the three school committees that I was never officially on anyway I just worked on them, I quit the small business group and the committee for the fun day they organise, I quit picking up work from a place that always took months to pay me, I quit going places and doing things that I didn't want to do or didn't have to do - even if there wasn't anyone else to do it. I just resigned.

I just knew I needed to have less things in my diary and my head so I could just sit and breathe. Some of the things I was doing I was only doing because there wasn't anyone else to do them.

After I had resigned I looked around and my house was a mess, my garden was a mess, I was a mess, the only thing that had survived the turmoil of my life was my family. (resilient lot!).

I had a conversation with someone from my quilting group after I had done all these momentous things (and finally cleaned the house) and she said to me that it was a process - Maybe there was a 12 step program for people who are addicted to commitees - committees anonymous - to cure chronic volunteerism.

I really enjoyed waking up in the morning and knowing the only things I really had to do was look after my family. For a short while I avoided all situations where I might be asked to help with something or run something, but soon I realised that having more time was pretty good.

Through quiltville.com and the wonderful Bonnie, I found my way to Homespun Living, then to Down to Earth and Towards Sustainability.

I already had a small vegetable garden - was it so off the wall to think it could be bigger and supply us with more food?

I already made my own soap why not laundry liquid?

I already cooked from scratch - but had fallen into the habit of buying store bought biscuits for afternoon teas or lunches - why not cook more?

I already sewed, mended, created - why not make this a conscious life choice not just something I did because I did?

And therein lies the answer to my guilt post on Tuesday - MAKE THIS A LIFE CHOICE NOT JUST SOMETHING I DO BECAUSE I DO .

If along the way that life choice makes me happier than I have been for a long time, eating more home grown food than I ever have, finding more time to sew than I have ever allowed myself, falling in to bed exhausted at the end of each day, picking the charity events that I want to organise and be involved with, treading more lightly on the planet or choosing not to do something because it will take away from my family, my garden, my health or my time then that is just fine.

Just Fine.

I found a quote the other day on Little Jenny Wren's blog and I have put it on mine but in case you missed it it says:


"Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset." St Francis de Sales


So I challenge you all today to "do everything quietly and in a calm spirit"

Me? I am having a whole day sewing - have a great day.

daisymum

3 comments:

Caroline said...

I absoultley love your blog you are an icredibly special person who keeps it real(Which is one of the biggest things in my book)
I feel I am priviliged to have come upon your blog. Dh & your children are the real winners to have a mother like you is heaven sent. Sometimes the hard times are the things that make us grow the most. I know that has been so true with me & I guess you can relize that by the little I have shared with you all on my blog.

Ha Ha It seems so funny as I never got on your blog to expect this post this morning but it ties so well in what I was going to make a comment about which was You are so amazing & I thankyou for leaving the comment that you did on Rhonda's blog yesterday someone needs to say it.
Love & Hugs for a great day Caroline

daisymum7 said...

Julia

A quick welcome to you - I love the idea of split shifts!! That is a good mental tool for the next time I get where I was on Tuesday.

daisymum

Linda said...

I feel the same way, like I do afternoon shift.

I have also cheered myself up when cleaning up a table, it is like working in a cafe.