Wednesday, November 12, 2008

"Tweenies"


A few times over the last week I have come across blogs or comments that say "it must be an age thing."
I think there is some truth in that those of us who are in their 40s are firmly caught between the 50s housewives who were our mothers and the bra burning radical feminists that were our older sisters - we were certainly part of the feminist movement but our part was largely to get stuck in, rise as high as the male dominated corporate ladder would allow us and the bra burning feminists could push us whilst bringing up families and running a household. Bascially we were he workers that made their dreams a reality. The "super mum" generation????
Except here we all are in our 40s surfing blog land and finding delight in the fact that there are so many people out there who want to stop the ride now and just get off!! Maybe some of us have already done that and have been at home I call myself a SAHM( a stay at home mum) but am I?? I have worked part time, all the time, in various things including my own home business every year since I had children , as well as the school committees, charity events, church councils etc etc
Part of the lasting legacy of that is that we still believe that appearances are important. So we work like navvies to make our worlds acceptable - but to whom - our families? mine couldn't care less what the house looked like as evidenced by the fact that they never pick anything up!!! Our friends ?? - how many of them say we didn't come to see the house we came to sit with you.
Is it still so hard for us to admit that we can't do it all? Not when you have a toddler running around putting dirty finger marks on the walls you just spent two hours cleaning( so you best friend could come over and have a coffee with you?).
If our homes aren't perfect will our mothers haunt us about it?? If our minds aren't full of the latest economic figures, policies of the both political parties or the latest trend in educating our girls will our sisters beat down our doors and tell us we are letting the side down??
Is blogland the place where we come for verification, for affirmation, that comfort place where mostly we all agree that what we are doing is vital to the survival of our families, our planet and our sanity?
Or is it the place where we post doctored photos of our world so we can still "keep up appearances". Last week I posted an honesty post of the BLAH spots in our garden - I challlenged you all then to do the same.
This week I issue the challenge again I want to hear about the things you didn't get done (bet there are loads of things related to your happiness and your enjoyment that slipped by the wayside because something else was more "important") I want you to post on your blogs all the BLAH in your life either reality or figuratively - explained or not explained ....
Why because when we all fess up - and we log in tomorrow and everyone is still there laughing with us and telling us they are human too - it enriches all of us, it may encourage some of us to go out and fix that spot - or to cover it with a sheet or mulch and pretend it isn't there.
I am not a SUPER MUM, I am just me getting by with the encouragement, laughter and "blogship"(a bond as deep as friendship becasue it is built on words) of all of you.
Honesty posts before the end of the week including the lurkers...............................please
daisymum

8 comments:

jacqui jones said...

food for though
i know i was made to feel guilty when my first was born and i had to go back to work when she was 5months (dh was an apprentice chef there was no survival on that wage) when emily came along i took a years long service and then went back part time, during that year many people had an opinion on my not working. i have always felt that i haveto justify why im home now with no plansto return to work anytime soon. my career was once important to me...but my family and my children far outway anything i felt for going to work. sure we miss the extra money, but i love that my kids will remember that mum could go on school excursions, help at tuckshop, gointo theclassroom and help out and was here after school.

hmmm keeping it real...u wouldnt want to see my scrapping/sewing table atm, its covered in scraps from sewing my diary swap cover, and im not cleaning itup yet...im going to cover it in more training pants scrapstonight!

Tracey McBride said...

Very thought provoking...and entirely true (in my own case, at least). I love the "charming imperfections" philosophy too...it makes life so much more relaxed and opens us up to much more pleasure than is gained by keeping up appearances. Even still, am I ready to show my messes?? I think there are far too many to show :-) . That being said, when I post my (extremely) amateur photos on our blogs I do keep it real and show the crooked bird houses & chipped bowls, etc... They are real life and I like them that way...they tell a story about real people who like pretty things but not at the expense of family time and real, true life and living...all of which are very messy at times (as everyone knows) and rarely picture perfect. I love the fact that you bring the subject up. I think I'll save the cluttered garage and ramshackle patio photos for another day (they are realllllly bad)...perhaps when I can show a "before" and an "after" photo!! Life is messy but good and I love it.

Thanks again for the inspiring post.

I really love your blog and your great sense of humor!

Warmly,
Tracey

Cathy said...

Hello there
Loved this post and the way it made me think. Because of that I linked to your site today.

My hectic 'super mum' days are over - still have bad memories of shoving stuff in cupbords and closing bedroom doors on the way to open the front door to unexpected visitors lol

I do think we stress a lot over what we do and what we think we should do and when its all said and done is it really necessary?

Take care
Cathy

The Old Dairy said...

Funny you should post about this, because today when I had to clean the desk to find the computer, I thought ....sure dosn't look like the desk on my blog....now I wish I had taken a photo. Maybe tomorrow as I'm sure after home work it will look the same.lol.

This year as you know my youngest of 7 has gone of to Prep. Do you know what the most comman questions I am asked are.......What are you going to do now? and Are you going back to work? My hubby and I have deceided to say to these people........O! I don't need to go back to work as my husband provides all our needs......O.K this may seem a little stuck up to say....but really what businees is it of there's any way. Plus it shuts them up they really have no come back....
There.... my house is messy and sometimes I'm not very nice......Hows that for getting real.......LOL
Mandy

Linda said...

I heard my husband say the same thing a couple of days ago, that I don't have to work. I enjoyed hearing him say that.

daisymum7 said...

Well done ladies!!!

Confession is good for the soul even if you are too chicken to post the photos of your mess!!~!LOL

Welcome Cathy and thank you for your kind comments.

mandy it is weird being our age and having a prepper don't you think? I am dreading the information night tonight I think here we go I will be the "matron mum" of this group too. I remember being the baby mum when dasiyson21 started school - I was an anomoly then being the youngest and now being the oldest - so I guess at some stage I must have been just right?!!!!

daisymum

The Tin House said...

Hi Daisy, does this mean I have to post the double chin photo?????

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Right, I'm totally up for the challenge. I did in fact post photos earlier this year of the "before" photos of my stove prior to cleaning which were definitely not from the Martha Stewart collection. So, I'm up for the task.

Too bad I didn't photograph my sons room yesterday....actually, a photo of mine would do the trick! It's a sore point.

Do you know, I read a very funny book the title of which I cannot remember, about motherhood and so forth - about 8 years ago I think. The one thing I took from this, is you should NEVER apologise for your house. So I don't. Sometimes it's hard and the words nearly slip out..."sorry, the breakfast dishes are still in the sink", "sorry, the floor's a bit grubby, I haven't swept today"...etc But if you try really hard, you learn to bite back those self-defeating comments and you empower the many women who have gone before us, whose hard work has been unnoticed, and unappreciated, because they were so busy pointing out all the flaws.

I'll get onto an honesty post some time in the millennia...perhaps after I sweep the floor and clean the toilet and pack the lunchboxes and cook the dinner and iron the school uniforms (god bless polo tops) and feed the dogs and grow the food and claim my sainthood and win the lottery and run the Boston marathon and win Olympic gold.....blather...blah

bedtime

Lisa x

GRANNY said...

Thank you for the tip. We have been pondering putting out traps. But they are expensive here in Texas. He was back again yesterday morning and I got another shot off at him. I missed (again). But I am not handy with a gun. I am good at herb gardening and sewing though. :) Here in Texas the law will tell you to shoot it or trap it (if you live in the country). In town, i suppose they have other ways of dealing with them. lol. My daddy and i are praying my husband doesnt get called to work again on his day off. Yesterday he had off but was called in to trasport a convict clear across Texas. :( oh please hurry home hubby!